| The Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory |
[May. 2nd, 2020|04:53 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | first post | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nocturne in E Flat Major | ] |
I knew who I was at 16 with a clarity unparallelled by the bluest waters.
Then I changed, for various reasons.
When I became who I wanted to be, I found out I no longer wanted it.
I was no longer myself.
Leave a comment if you can help me remember or if you're adding me. Just so I know. |
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| so easy |
[Sep. 11th, 2009|01:35 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Birthday Sex - Jeremih | ] |
You confidently throw a crazy pick up line and I laugh as I chewed on my fries, thinking that I didn't want this day to end just yet.
We don't need fancy dinner dates.
If you ask me what the perfect date is, it's this -
Dropping by Wendy's at midnight to order bacon cheeseburger (because you know that bacon cheeseburger cures everything that's wrong in my world).
The best part...
YOU. |
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| It is the wait until the next day that is hard to get through |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|02:00 am] |
"Nothing can hurt you, nothing can happen, nothing means anything until the next day when you do it again. It is the wait until the next day that is hard to get through."
That kind of longing is hard to get out of your system.
You never get used to it. |
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| Sasha Fierce |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|08:39 pm] |
No Beyonce!!! Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What on earth has gotten into her? You don't just wake up one day and decide to call yourself Sasha Fierce when you are already Beyonce Knowles! |
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| Stella Luna |
[Jul. 20th, 2008|11:22 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | shoes | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl | ] |
I fell in love with a pair of Knee High Gladiator Sandals from Stella Luna but I'm not willing to shell out the money for it (yet).
But I love love love their shoes and box that comes with it.
It reads: How To Marry A Millionaire.
Really interesting marketing strategy, I like it.
But I don't need a millionaire... i just want my own stella lunas. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2008|10:37 pm] |
The past couple of months has been a painful process of losing myself.
It wasn't the first time it happened. Yet everytime it does, there is this feeling that I get that makes me want to hide and not come out for a while.
I refuse to go straight home. I find myself lingering at train stations and coffee shops for hours just sitting and thinking where I went wrong, wondering why or how I've lost who I am.
I become irritable, lose my sense of humour, my ability to choose gets clouded and I alternate between needing people around me and needing to be alone.
So it's refreshing to wake up knowing that I've found myself again. I have changed.
I'm still me in all the ways people have come to know me yet I know that i am different. I am better than I was, so much better.
So thank you for being there and for seeing me through this. |
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| Taking my Silence |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Maine - I Wanna Love You | ] |
Lately, this is where I do a lot of my thinking.
I have a process.
I start by listen to mood altering music as I walk to the train station.
Once I get to the platform, I sit on the bench and do my thinking - oblivious to the comings and goings of the people around me.
I take the third train that comes after I sit on the bench. It leaves enough time for me to ponder what I did with my day, to come to terms with my emotions and mistakes and at the same time the span of time is short enough to stop me from thinking too much.
Once the doors open, I step in, stop thinking and simply listen to my music feeling an odd sort of kinship with the throng of people who are also, probably, just trying to make their way home. |
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| A Big Fan of the Little Things |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|11:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | All American Rejects - My Paper Heart | ] |
I have always been more attentive to the little things other people do for me, things that are not outrightly said or done and yet feels like they happen at just the right time.
Like an outheld hand before you slip, a bottle of water just when you think you'll die of thirst, a biscuit when you're hungry, a message during a morning when you feel like everything is about to go wrong, a joke delivered at a time when laughter is nearly forgotten, a phone call to wake you up when you're still asleep and about to be late, an ice cream at the most stressful moment, a warm hand on a bruised head, a shoulder to cry on, a funny story during an awkward moment, a little post it note that says nothing and everything, lyrics to songs that you wish you knew, a good luck message for something you thought nobody remembered, a good laugh during dinner with friends.
Those are the things that get stuck in my head. Those tiny wonderful moments when everything is just right and you know that someone thought of you are the ones I am most grateful for.
Grand gestures are nice, but more often than not are overrated. But in those simple instances where there were no elaborate preparations, no overthinking - I find that I have everything and everyone I need.
On the outside I may look like the unsentimental type, but maybe I am sentimental after all. |
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| Freedom is psychological. So the chains that bind me are psychological as well |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rod Stewart - That's All | ] |
It was a typical day for me. The only difference was that I got out from work with the sun still in the sky. Little things like that make me smile. I was smiling like a lunatic all the way to the train station, despite the long line to get that stored value ticket and the other long line to get inside the actual platform.
Once I got past the metal swinging thingamajigs, I stopped walking and interrupted the flow of people mechanically making their way to offices, homes, meeting places. Places that they were obligated to be in. I felt a tiny euphoric feeling at the realization that I can choose where I wanted to be at that moment. While the rest of the world needed to be somewhere, there was nowhere I needed to be. I stood there, feeling like I won the lottery, picking which escalator to take - northbound or southbound?
I could go either way, I thought. After all, I had my weapon in hand and that mrt card had never felt more powerful. I had so many options. I could take the train from one end to the other.
Or take a stop at each station just for the hell of it.
I think I stood there for less than a minute, before I decided.
I knew where I wanted to go.
I took the escalator to my left.
I was going home. |
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| dinner |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|10:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Used - Blue and Yellow | ] |
Had pizza and pasta for dinner, and a whole lot of laughs and comfort.
Haven't had dinner this good in a while.
My friends got along with my other friends who are getting along so well with my friends' friends.
Good times! |
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| Spam I Am |
[Mar. 26th, 2008|01:13 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | DCFC - Your Heart Is An Empty Room | ] |
I just found out that guinea pigs cannot use the "wheel" (err.. those treadmill like devices for hamsters).
At least that's what the sales clerk told me and my friend when we were asking if a wheel was available.
She must be psychic.
How else would she have known that we were picking a wheel for a guinea pig and not a hamster. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2008|12:07 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Way I Are... On Infinite Loop | ] |
I watched Step Up 2. Twice.
I have a crush on the somewhat dorky looking guy.
Yep. The one who danced to "The Way I Are?" on the stairs.
Oh man. Can I dance with him? Please please please?
Please?
*grins*
Oh and for those interested, the cover art for Neil Gaiman's latest book (The Graveyard Book) has been finalized.
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2008|08:22 pm] |
Got this from a comment by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) taryndaani at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) wurds.
"A wise girl knows when to kiss but not love, listen but not believe, and leave before she is left," and a brave girl loves and believes despite the possibility of being left."
Oh so timely. |
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| Discovering the Waterfront |
[Mar. 4th, 2008|12:42 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | New Found Glory - Forget My Name | ] |
I am still that person. Although now, I find it hard to believe.
Or to even remember who I was yesterday.
But this one memory stands out so well.
The water was cold yet I could not resist it.
I had to feel the sunset in the water.
To feel as if the last rays were immersed in there with me.
The sand sloped steeply underneath, I could sense its subtle tossing.
Tossing back and forth with the waves until I was deeper and deeper in the ocean without even really moving.
I summoned the courage to swim a little here, a little there.
Scared that once I swam too far, I will never find my way back. I will never feel the sand on my feet while simultaneously breathing air.
The sun was nearly gone when I went back on shore.
It was colder out there on land, but I was warm.
I was myself and no one else.
We all were. |
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| Doubting |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|04:08 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Colbie Caillat - Realize | ] |
This is the beginning of doubt.
When I start to care whether or not
I am still myself when you are within reach.
( Poetry I wish to remember ) |
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| HAMBURGER |
[Feb. 26th, 2008|11:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ne-Yo - Go On Girl | ] |
I dreamed last night of eating cheeseburgers.
So today, I ate two cheeseburgers from McDonalds.
Then I found this link: The Biggest Hamburger
It must be burger day! |
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